Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love With A Straight Boi
by cjtokage
Summary: Yaoi, One sided Daikeru, Taishiro, Takari, Yamora. Daisuke is crushing on Takeru but TK is dating Hikari. What's a googlehead to do. Complete
1. Mr Brightside

**Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love With A Straight Boi**

**By: Daisuke Motomiya**

Author: cjtokage

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon period.

Warnings: Yaoi, song-fic, one-sided Daikeru (sorry), Taishiro (yeah), Takari (gag), Yamora (double gag),

_Artist: The Killers, Album: Hot Fuss, Song title: Mr. Brightside_

Single 'quotes' indicates thoughts

Italics indicates song lyrics

**Chapter One: Mr. Brightside**

_Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine_

_Gotta, gotta be down because I wanted off_

Hello my name is Daisuke Motomiya and this is my story. You see I'm in love with one of my friends. Before you say it no it's not Hikari anymore, I've been over her for a couple of years now. It took me a little while to figure it out but I never really was in love with the girl, I was just subconsciously trying to make myself straight. Yes I can say it out loud now I Am Gay; I like guys in general and one boy in particular. Though to be honest I haven't figured out when my supposed attraction to Kari turned into a crush on my rival for her affections. Yes, poor little Daisuke has gone and fallen for the blonde god of rock's little bro. Takeru, how can one name conjure up so many emotions. Love, I love him with all my heart simply because of who he is. He is hope personified. He is caring, giving, he tries to be friends with everybody; even people who spend as much time fighting with him as they do getting along, namely me, though ever since I stopped chasing Kari we've stopped fighting. Hate, I hate him to the deeps of my soul because he will never love me the way I love him. Heck he will never love me period. I think the only reason he tolerates me is because Ken, Miyako, and Iori are all my close friends, probably my only friends. Jealousy, I admit it Takeru and Hikari belong together. They just click and will surely get married one day if nothing goes seriously wrong. They are true soul mates and that is something that I can never be for Take-chan.

_It started out with a kiss how did it end up like this_

_It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss_

I kissed him once, while he was asleep. It was when all four of us younger digidestined guys were having a sleepover at Ken's house. We had turned the lights off around two o'clock but had stayed up talking for a little while longer. The other three had gone to sleep a little while ago but I had been and still do suffer from insomnia. I had only recently accepted that I no longer liked Kari and had started liking Takeru instead. I decided to test myself to see if I really did feel what I thought I felt for him. So while he was dead asleep I crept over to his side and gently pressed my lips to his. This lasted about thirty seconds; I even ran my tongue over his slack lips before I pulled away. As I sat there trying to calm my raging hormones he did the one thing that will haunt me for the rest of my life. He whispered her name. Crying, I crawled back over to my blanket and watched him sleep for the rest of the night. That was when I figured out that I was falling in love with him and that he would never love me back. But like a masochist I still hang out with the two of them a lot. We go drinking together sometimes just the three of us. I don't know why they invite me along, unless they really are that sadistic though I doubt it. Maybe they feel sorry for me and that would be even worse. That's where we are right now, at Takeru's apartment drunk off our asses, me more than them.

_Now I'm falling asleep and she's calling a cab_

_While he's having a smoke and she's taking a drag_

I can feel myself drifting off as I sit here watching them smoke together. They only do it when they're drinking but it still seems disgusting to me. The guy who runs the convenience store down on the corner never cards people so that's where we go to buy our beer and Takeru buys his cigarettes.

"Dai I don't think you should try walking home in the state your in. Let me call you a cab and we'll help you pay for it. Kay." Kari says when see finally notices me drop down prone on the couch. So as she's calling the cab company I lay here and watch Takeru finish his cigarette. I hate it when he smokes but I have to admit he looks damn sexy doing it. I watch his lips and remember the one stolen taste I had of them and I feel my eyes trying to tear up again. 'Damnit why can't I get over him, he won't ever love me, he loves her.' Kari walks back over to stand by Takeru after hanging up the phone. "The cab driver said he will be here in about fifteen minutes, he even said he would come up and knock on the door so just lock up when you leave alright Dai-san."

_Now their going to bed and my stomach is sick_

_And it's all in my head, but she's touching his chest now_

_He takes off her dress now_

I vaguely wave my hand to indicate that I understand and watch her pull Takeru by the hand towards the bedroom. Now as I picture them together in there I feel a wave of nausea coming on. I hold it down with some effort but when my mind begins providing wonderfully, painfully vivid images of them together in bed I cannot do it anymore and race for the bathroom. With my stomach empty I feel better physically but mentally I continue the slow painful process of coming apart. 'I have to talk to someone or I might do something I won't live to regret.' With that thought in mind I go to the front door; pull on my jacket, knit cap, gloves, and boots and go to wait for the cab outside.

_Let me go…_

_I just can't look; it's killing me; their taking control_

Sitting on the cold stairs in front of Takeru's apartment building I decide that I'll try talking to Jun first. After all she's my older sister and even though she's always running around with her friends surely she will stop long enough to talk with me about this. I don't think that there is anybody else who I would feel comfortable enough to discuses this with.

_Jealousy turning sinks into the sea_

_Turning through sick lullabies_

_Choking on your alibis _

_But it's just the price I pay_

_Destiny is calling me_

_Open up my eager eyes cause I'm Mr. Brightside_

Plastering on the well practiced and almost unconscious, fake smile that I display whenever I'm around other people I stand up as the cab comes to a stop and slowly make my way over to climb inside. After giving the driver my home address I sit back and watch the snow that's started falling while I was sitting on those steps, utterly………… lonely.

_I never… I never… I never… I never_

**TBC…**

A/N: Short no? for me anyway.

Cool quote: "There's a difference between 'alone' and 'lonely'. You can be lonely in the middle of a crowded room. They may stem from the same root word, but

they're entirely different things." -Sunhawk's Gundam Wing fanfic epic entitled Ions/Traditions.


	2. Fade

**Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love With A Straight Boi**

**By: Daisuke Motomiya**

Author: cjtokage

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon period.

Warnings: Yaoi, song-fic, one-sided Daikeru (sorry), Taishiro (yeah), Takari (gag), Yamora (double gag),

_Artist: Staind, Album: Break the Cycle, Song titles: Fade and For You_

Single 'quotes' indicates thoughts

Italics indicates song lyrics

**Chapter Two: Fade**

_I try to breathe_

_Memories overtaking me_

_I try to face them but the thought is too much to conceive_

As I lie here in bed, trying not to aggravate this nice little hangover I've got going, memories of all the intimate moments between Kari and my Take-chan that I've witnessed keep coming to mind. They haunt me because they continue to demonstrate just how perfect the two of them are together. I know I don't have a ghost of a chance of being with Takeru ever because he is straight. If he wasn't with Kari he'd just be with some other girl, but my heart doesn't want to accept that. It has latched onto TK for some reason and won't let go.

_I only know that I can change; everything else just stays the same_

_So now I step out of the darkness that my life became, 'cause_

I have to try to and find some way around these feelings or this depression I'm sinking into will only continue to get worse. Maybe Jun will be able to help me. She should be awake by now. I think I heard the shower running as I was waking up and she's had time to go get dressed. I slowly straighten up and crawl out of bed, ignoring the pounding headache the alcohol I drank last night is causing. After throwing on a shirt and a pair of my old soccer shorts I make my way to the door.

_I just needed someone to talk to _

_You were just too busy with yourself_

_You were never there for me to express how I felt; I just stuffed it down _

_Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade_

_But it seems the surface I am scratching is the bed that I have made_

Coming into the hallway I notice that Jun's door is open. I turn to go see if she's in there when I hear noises coming from the front room. I go that way instead and come find Jun pulling on her winter clothes. "Hey sis going somewhere?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm headed over to Cindy's for a study group with the girls. We've got an important test coming up in chemistry so I want to make a good grade on it."

"Listen… I need to talk to you about something important" I say to her as she's pulling open the door.

"Sorry, I'm already running late. I tell you what, I'll try to come home a little early and we can talk then, okay."

I make a vaguely affirmative motion with my hand even as she's closing the door. 'I can't take this anymore; even my own family has no need for me.' I think to myself as I fall on my butt and pull my knees up tight against my chest. I drop my head down, cross my arms to cover my face and finally let the tears that I have been holding back fall. A thought occurs to me and I jerk upright. 'Why should anyone care about me? I must be a lousy human being considering that I barely have any friends, I'm not a good student, heck I was even forced to quit the soccer team after my depression over Takeru got so bad it affected my concentration too much to continue playing. And nobody even really wondered why I quit. I guess I'm finally realizing just how much nobody cares about me.' That thought caused a burst of anger to course its way through me. "Well maybe if I'm so unimportant to everybody then the best thing I can do is remove myself from their presence." With my mind made up I return to my room to prepare.

_So where were you when all this I was going through?_

_You never took the time to ask me just what you could do_

I grab my book bag and dump all my school stuff out. I pick out a couple of changes of clothes and shove them into the bottom of the bag. I then grab my cup of loose change and pour it into one of the small side pockets. I go to the kitchen and grab a Ziploc™ bag to make myself a small first aid kit with some antibiotic cream, band aids, aspirins and other essential items. I throw that in on top of my clothes and open my night stand to retrieve the case of throwing knives my uncle Naoto gave me after he taught me how to use them. I placed them on my bed out of the way as I changed into some of the warmer clothes that I would need to survive outdoors on my trip. After I had finished getting dressed I strapped the medium sized knife to my left ankle, the larger one went on an elastic strap around my abdomen for a quick behind the back draw, and the two smallest ones I slide onto each of my wrist far up enough to be concealed. I then sat down and wrote out the obligatory letter letting everyone know I was leaving. I'm not telling them where I'm going though I've already made up my mind. I'm going to see my uncle in Aomori which is in the northern part of Japan. I have no illusions that even if I do make it up there he'll just send me home again, but that isn't the point. I merely need time away to clear my head and hopefully put some emotional distance between me and Takeru. I grab a few more items that I want to have with me and after eating what will probably be the last real food I have for a while I throw some nonperishable foodstuffs in my bag along with a spoon and a can opener. I sat my bag down by the front door and pull on my winter clothes. I take one final look around and then without regret I walk out of my house. I know I have to put some distance between me and Odaiba or this will be a real short trip.

_I only know that I can change; everything else just stays the same_

_So now I step out of the darkness that my life became_

_...I try to breathe_

Later That Night

Jun knocked on the door to Daisuke's room. "Hey squirt, are you ready to talk now?' she asked through the closed door. No response came so she figured that her little brother had probably fallen asleep. She was just about to go to her own room when she heard the song that was loudly playing in Dai's room shift back to repeat itself. Curious, she reached out and opened the door. Inside she noticed that the room itself was messier than usual, but there was no Daisuke. With the faintest sense of foreboding she fully entered the room. Suddenly the name of the song clicked, it was _For You, _by the group _Staind. _Taking a final look around before going and searching the rest of the house for her brother she noticed a note pinned to Daisuke's dart board. It was held there with one of the many three inch throwing knifes her brother owned. With a profound feeling of dread she pulled the knife out and read through the note twice, the second time with tears streaming down her face. Dropping the note she ran from Daisuke's room to find the phone and let her parent's know that Daisuke had run away.

**Dear Mom, Dad, and Jun**

**By the time you read this letter I will be gone. I don't know what your reaction will be but I hope that you will give ****me the space I need to clear my head. I can't talk to you mom and dad because I don't know you anymore. You're ****never around when I need you. As for you Jun I try talking to you but I feel like I need to schedule an appointment****to even see you. I don't want to make you worry but I can no longer deal with my life the way it is. Therefore I'm ****leaving home, maybe for good. I'm sorry for doing this. I love you all.**

**Love,**

**Daisuke**

And the band played on…

_To my mother, to my father_

_It's your son or it's your daughter_

_Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?_

_Should I turn this up for you?_

_I sit here locked inside my head_

_Remembering everything you said_

_This silence gets us nowhere!_

_Gets us nowhere way too fast!_

_The silence is what kills me_

_I need someone to help me_

_But you don't know how to listen_

_And let me make my decisions_

'_Cause I sit here locked inside my head_

_Remembering everything you said_

_This silence gets us nowhere!_

_Gets us nowhere way too fast!_

_All your insults and your curses _

_Make me feel like I'm not a person_

_And I feel like I'm nothing_

_But you made me so do something_

_Because I', fucked up _

_Because you are_

_Need attention, attention you couldn't give_

_I sit here locked inside my head_

_Remembering everything you said_

_This silence gets us nowhere!_

_Gets us nowhere way too fast!_

**TBC…**

A/N: Poor Dai-kun, alone against the world.

Cool Quote: 1 "If love be good, from whennes comth my woe?" –Geoffrey Chaucer/ _Troilus and Criseyde_

2 "Often the test of courage is not to die but to live" –Vittorio Alfieri, _Oreste_


	3. Away From The Sun

**Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love With A Straight Boi**

**By: Daisuke Motomiya**

Author: cjtokage

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon period.

Warnings: Yaoi, song-fic, one-sided Daikeru (sorry), Taishiro (yeah), Takari (gag), Yamora (double gag),

_Artist: Three Doors Down, Album: Away From the Sun, Song title: Away From the Sun _

Single 'quotes' indicates thoughts

Italics indicates song lyrics

**Chapter Three: Away From the Sun**

_It's down to this_

_I've got to make this life make sense_

_Can anyone tell what I've done?_

_I miss the life_

_I miss the colors of the world_

_Can anyone tell where I am?_

_Cause now again I've found myself so far down _

_Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place_

_I'm so far down away from the sun again_

_Away from the sun again_

I've been gone for two weeks and two days now and I'm down to buying one small meal a day as I continue to walk north. I have not resorted to stealing, nor do I plan to. Instead I have learned to pick out unspoiled food from the dumpsters behind restaurants or if I'm lucky I might find some kind person to give me a hot meal and/or a place to sleep at night. I have lost weight these past two weeks, I know because I had to buy a cheap belt at a second hand store in order to hold my pants up. My shirts and jacket also don't fit right anymore. I think I might be coming down with a cold too. I am currently making my way through a residential area in Hanamaki which is just south of Morioka, the capital of the Iwate-prefecture. It is dusk dark now so I need to find someplace out of the weather to stay for the night. I usually don't travel this late but I haven't found any place that looks safe to stay in yet. I have to be careful because not counting pimps or drug dealers, there are plenty of assholes out there just looking for an easy mark to pick off, and with my youth and current state of health I probably look like one.

SHIT, it's a good thing I have become such a light sleeper lately or this bastard would have been all over me before I knew what was happening. Now I at least have a fighting chance out here in the open. Plus if worse comes to worse I can run and make it out of here alive though that would mean abandoning my bag and I don't want to do that. Okay, he's making his first move and it's pretty stupid. He obviously thinks I'm some dumb punk kid, alone on the streets, with no protection. Well actually those first two are fairly accurate, but the not having protection part couldn't be further from the truth. I palm one of my wrist throwing knives, keeping it out of sight like uncle Naoto taught me as I wait for my attacker to come just a little closer. NOW; I flick my wrist and within seconds the knife is planted in his upper right leg, effectively dropping him to his knees. I rush forward and bring my own foot up connecting it with his head instantly knocking him unconscious. I crouch down in a defensive position and scan the immediate area for any buddies this dickhead might have with him. Apparently dumbass is alone because no other threat shows up. I replace the other wrist blade that I pulled when I charged this idiot and remove the other one that is embedded in his knee; wipe the blood off on his pants leg and replace it too. I then grab his wallet and pull out the little bit of cash he has on him. This money I don't feel bad about taking because he probably would have killed me given the chance. Only enough yen to buy two or three extra meals with or maybe I should buy some cold medicine instead. Choices, choices, but the first thing I need to do is move out of this area because knowing the jackals that stay out on the streets at night they will find him soon and I don't want to be around when they do.

_I'm over this_

_I'm tired of livin' in the dark_

_Can anyone see me down here?_

_The feelings gone_

_There's nothing left to lift me up_

_Back into the world I know_

_And now I've found myself so far down_

_Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place_

_I'm so far down away from the sun_

_That shines to light the way for me to find my way back into the arms _

_That care about the ones like me_

_I'm so far down away from the sun again_

I definitely have a cold, so I made the sacrifice and bought some generic cold medication which luckily did not set me back as much as I was afraid it would. I think I scared the old lady behind the counter though with my scruffy appearance so I had to high tail it out of that area too. I am currently digging through today's leftovers behind a nice looking restaurant in the northern part of Morioka. Shit somebody's coming out the back door.

"Hey boy what are you doing back here, wait don't run I'm not going to hurt you."

Run, hell, I can barely move with this coughing attack that I'm having.

"Don't worry I'm not going to hurt you. Boy do you know you have a fever, come on lets get you inside out of this weather."

The old man's being fairly nice to me, heck he gave me a hot bowl of soup and told me to stay by the heater and warm up while he finishes closing up the restaurant. He's even letting me sleep on a spare futon here by the furnace tonight. It will be the first time I've been warm at night in a week. I really should help him out in the back to pay him for his kindness, after I finish eating. I wish I could figure out why my voice quit working so I could thank him properly.

Wind in the Trees Restaurant

"Hello Officer Kagari, this is Mitsuo Kazaki. Yes, I'm doing fine today. You too, that's good. Listen I think I've got another runaway kid here. No, he's out front eating. Yeah, I don't know his name; he hasn't said a word since I first saw him. Though he does appear to be sick; rattling cough, slight fever, yeah probably a cold he caught that is turning into something worse from being out on the streets. Oh, he's about fourteen or fifteen, red-hair, about one hundred seventy five centimeters (5'8"). He looks like he weights about forty-five kilograms (one hundred pounds). Already got a match huh, really, the kid made it from Odaiba all the way up here to Morioka in less than three weeks. Tough little bugger, probably why he's so thin. Well I've offered him room and board for the night so if you boys want to come pick him up you know the deal, no lights, no noise, or he'll likely run. Yeah, okay, I'll keep him busy until then."

One Hour Later

I'm up to my elbows is hot water, washing dishes, helping out Mr. Kazaki in return for the hot meal and the futon he's letting me sleep on tonight. I notice a slight commotion in the front of the restaurant and suddenly a police officer is coming through the kitchen door. I take one look at him before yanking my hands out of the water and making a mad dash for my bag which I left by the back door. Yanking it open I take two steps outside before I'm caught around the waist by another officer who was obviously waiting for me to come out that way. I stop struggling because there is no way that I can break free especially in my weakened state. Mr. Kazaki follows the first officer outside and says to me "sorry Daisuke but its time to go home." I simply wilt, not able to say a word to anyone as they lead me towards the squad car. All I can think of is 'I'm not ready. I haven't figured out what to do about my feelings for Takeru. No, no, no, no, no……'

_It's down to this_

_I've got to make this life make sense_

_And now I can't tell what I've done _

_And now again I've found myself so far down _

_Away from the sun that shines to light the way for me_

_And now again I've found myself so far down _

_Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place_

_I'm so far down away from the sun_

_That shines to light the way for me to find my way back into the arms_

_That care about the ones like me_

_I'm so far down away from the sun again_

**TBC…**

Cool quote: 1 "In adversity a man is saved by hope" –Menander (342-291 B.C.) _Fragments_

2 "Then black despair, the shadow of a starless night, was thrown over the world in which I moved alone" -Percy B. Shelley, _Revolt of Islam_


	4. Still Frame

**Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love With A Straight Boi**

**By: Daisuke Motomiya**

Author: cjtokage

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon period.

Warnings: Yaoi, song-fic, one-sided Daikeru (sorry), Taishiro (yeah), Takari (gag), Yamora (double gag),

_Artist: Trapt, Album: Trapt, Song title: Still Frame_

Single 'quotes' indicates thoughts

Italics indicates song lyrics

**Chapter Four: Still Frame**

_Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down_

_This picture's frozen and I can't get out _

_Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down_

_This picture's frozen and I can't get out of here_

_Believe me; I'm just as lost as you_

_Believe me; I'm just as lost as you_

The officers took me straight to the hospital instead of down to the station. I guess that since I really hadn't committed a crime they were more concerned with my health than anything else. I was moving in autopilot mode; just obeying whatever commands I was given without any visible response. I can feel my emotions shutting down, but I don't really care to do anything about it. I'd been stopped just short of my goal and I'm not any closer to finding an answer to the Takeru problem. I can feel my need for him bubbling up against the barrier that my mind has formed against all my emotions. The doctors wanted to diagnose it as shock, but I know better, my subconscious mind is trying to save itself from the pain that loving Takeru is causing it. Unfortunately it's also locking away other parts of my personality along with it, and I no longer have the strength to stop it.

_And every time I think I've finally made it _

_I learn I'm farther away than I've ever been before_

_I see the clock and it's ticking away_

_And the hourglass empty_

_What the fuck do I have to say?_

The nurses gave me a through examination, but except for being malnourished and a moderate case of bronchitis I'm in good shape. I hardly reacted to anything they did which I think upset some of the nurses. What upsets them worse though was my inability to speak even though I'm really trying to. They checked but could find anything wrong with my vocal capacities so they determined it to be entirely psychologically induced.

I don't think they realize just how much awareness I have of my surroundings though. I'm taking in pretty much everything that's happening in my immediate area. The nurses are treating me like a mental patient who is unaware of what is occurring around me, so I learned a few things about my situation that I might not have otherwise.

_Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down_

_This picture's frozen and I can't get out _

_Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down_

_This picture's frozen and I can't get out of here_

_Believe me; I'm just as lost as you_

_Believe me; I'm just as lost as you_

Apparently, my family is on a high speed train northbound to come get me. I just blink in reaction to this news, feeling nothing towards it. A nurse comes in about an hour after they finish their final examinations and hooks me up to an I.V. drip to, as she told me, replace all those nutrients I lost during my escapade. As if the past two weeks had been some sort of nature hike or something.

_Keep it inside the image portrayed_

_As if I couldn't stand losing _

_As if I couldn't be saved, no way_

_A small confession I think I'm starting to lose it_

_I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need_

_A small reflection on when we were younger_

_We had it all figured out 'cause we had everything covered_

_Now we're older and it's getting harder to see _

_What this future will hold for us_

_What the fuck are we going to be?_

They took me to see a shrink before they would let my parents in to see me. The office was different from what I had assumed it would look like having seen more than one psychiatrist office on TV. There was no desk that we sat across from each other at, nor did I have to lie down on the couch. Instead the doctor and I sat side by side on the very comfortable couch. He gave me a pad and pen and told me to write down whatever I felt like in response to his questions. If I didn't want to answer any particular question then he told me I could simply shake my head no. I guess since we would only have one or two sessions together he started off with the hard questions.

"Daisuke tell me, why did you feel the need to run away? We can tell you haven't been physically abused so is their something else going on at home?"

I stare at him for a minute and then I write down a two word answer 'walk about'.

He looked at me funnily before asking for clarification "what do you mean when you say 'walk about'?"

I write for several minutes before handing him back the pad. 'I'm using the Australian term for a journey to work out a problem inside my head. I was walking north to go visit my uncle Naoto to give myself some time to figure out what I'm going do about something that's going on back home. I still haven't figured it out though.'

"Why didn't you just talk with your parents or your sister or a friend instead of worrying all of them like this? Or why didn't you at least tell them where you were going?"

'Second question is easy, they would have known where to look for me and stopped me a lot sooner than they did. As for the first question it's kind of hard to talk with people who aren't there and this problem isn't the type of thing a guy feels comfortable talking to his friends about.'

The doctor pauses and makes some notations on his own notepad, which I can't see, before turning to face me fully and asking a different type question. "Can I ask you, does this 'problem' have anything to do with your sexuality?"

I hide my face from him and frown which probably answers his question but he patiently waits for me to give him a real response.

_Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down_

_This picture's frozen and I can't get out _

_Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down_

_This picture's frozen and I can't get out of here_

_Believe me; I'm just as lost as you_

_Believe me; I'm just as lost as you_

When I turn back around to look at him I have tears forming in my eyes. I slightly nod my head yes.

"Your parents aren't opposed to that type of relationship are they?" the doctor asks me quietly.

I shake my head no and scrawl out 'not that I know of.'

"Then can you tell me why you felt the need to run away."

I mouth the word 'because' before collapsing against his chest in a storm of tears. 'So much for having an emotional block' I think to myself as my crying fit winds down several minutes later.

The doctor gives me a gentle smile as I sit back up. "There now, I believe you should feel better having gotten that bit of angst out of your system. So do you think you can talk now?" he quietly inquires.

After I open my mouth to speak and nothing comes out I get an anxious look on my face.

"Don't worry about being able to speak yet, we just haven't found the right trigger. Just you wait and see, something will happen to remove this mental block your subconscious has erected and your voice will come back like it never disappeared; except for a bit of hoarseness which throat lozenges will take care of " the doctor reassured me.

_I'm just as lost as you _

_Oh well what am I going to do_

_I'm afraid I'm falling farther away_

_I'm falling farther away_

_I'm falling farther from where I want to be_

After the doctors visit I was feeling a bit better even though I still had no idea what I was going to do about Takeru. Also without the emotional block in place I was now free to worry about my parents' reaction to my admittedly reckless actions. I wasn't worried about any punishment; I knew that would come later. What had me nervous was whether or not my running away would cause any permanent positive changes in the way they interacted with me, or would they go back to ignoring me as usual. I guess only time will tell.

I am escorted by a nurse to the front lobby where another officer is waiting to take to the police headquarters to wait for my parents. I have to admit it feels good to be clean again. While I was experiencing my emotional collapse I was given a sponge bath which I didn't react to at the time, though now the thought makes me blush. Also the clothes I was wearing had been washed sometime during my stay so I was physically as prepared as I could be to see my parents, emotionally though was, again, a different story.

**TBC…**

A/N: Sorry if this chapter seems disjointed, I wrote it that way on purpose. I mean come on Dai-chan is in the hospital plus he is not in the best mental state so his thought processes are going to be erratic. Also I have taken basic college A and P courses and a microbio course but that is the extent of my medical knowledge so if anyone out there finds any of my information to be wrong ignore it please for the sake of my sanity.

Cool quote: 1 "The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything" –Bishop W. C. Magee (1821-1891)

2 "We did not dare to breathe a prayer

Or to give our anguish scope!

Something was dead in each of us,

And what was dead was hope."

-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) _The Ballad of Reading Gaol_


	5. Dare You To Move

**Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love With A Straight Boi**

**By: Daisuke Motomiya**

Author: cjtokage

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon period.

Warnings: Yaoi, song-fic, one-sided Daikeru (sorry), Taishiro (yeah), Takari (gag), Yamora (double gag),

_Artist: Switchfoot, Album: The Beautiful Letdown, Song title: Dare You to Move_

Single 'quotes' indicates thoughts

Italics indicates song lyrics

**Chapter Five: Dare You To Move**

_Welcome to the planet_

_Welcome to existence_

_Everyone's here_

_Everyone's here_

_Everybody's watching you now_

_Everybody waits for you now_

_What happens next?_

_What happens next?_

Well I'm back home now. What's that, you want to know how the reunion with my family went? To my extreme happiness they actually seemed worried about me. I guess I didn't give them enough credit when it comes to their feelings for me. I just assumed (yeah I know, assu+me) that because they were always at work or away with friends that I must not be very important to them. I'm glad I was wrong.

I know it's worrying all three of them greatly that I'm not talking or bouncing around the train like a hyped up kindergartener, but what they don't understand is that it was all an act, a mask I pulled on to help me hide my hurt from the world. Now I no longer have the will to hide myself away, so they are seeing the real me for the first time in a long time. I wish I could tell them not to worry and explain to them what is going on, but since I don't know all of what's going on in my head I can't yet.

_I dare you to move _

_I dare you to move _

_I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor_

_I dare you to move _

_I dare you to move _

_Like today never happened _

_Today never happened before_

I'm back home now; I slept in my own bed last night; I have cleaned up my room from the mess it was left in when they searched it to find clues about where I was going; I have washed every piece of dirty clothing I own. Basically I'm trying to keep myself busy because my friends are coming over. Apparently they're concerned about crowding me because today just Ken, Miyako, and Iori are coming to visit me, and tomorrow it's Tai, Izzy, Yama, Sora, Kari, and… gulp, Takeru. Jyou called last night from Tokyo, where he now lives, to ask about me; my parents talked to him for me since I couldn't.

So now I'm sitting here on the side of my bed nervous but excited to see my friends again. They'll be here any minute so I don't want to start anything else yet. Instead I am sitting here doodling on the requisite notepad I now have to carry everywhere. Suddenly they are walking through my open bedroom door (yeah my parents aren't letting me shut it anymore even at night, go figure) and I am overcome with a sense of relief as they pull me into one big group hug. Miyako has tears streaming down her face and I think the rest of us are merely holding ours in better. After a few minutes we pull apart and then they tear into me for scaring them so badly. I forget for a second that I can't talk as I try to apologize. They become concerned when they realize that no sound is coming out of my mouth, apparently no one told them about my inability to speak. That annoys me for a moment and I write down the short version of what all is wrong with me. I think that they, like my parents, are not used to me, the loudmouth baka, being silent. They nervously try to make small talk in an attempt to distract me from their concern, which annoys me even more. I make a slashing motion with my hand, cutting off their talk, and show them a short note I just wrote, explaining what the doctor said about me having to find the right trigger to bring my ability to speak back. Until then I would make due with writing out any communications that I needed to make.

The rest of our little reunion was much more relaxed after they figured out that no, I wasn't fragile nor was I crazy. They told me about some of the things that had occurred in Odaiba during my absence and I in turn let them know some of what I had experienced during my time on the streets. After about two hours they had to leave since it was a school night and they had homework. Plus they would have to get up early and go to school early tomorrow morning. They kindly (yeah right) brought me the school work I had missed during my three week excursion. I wouldn't be returning to school until next week because of my bronchitis; in addition to the fact that my parents hoped that my ability to speak would come back sometime between now and then. I hope so too but I doubt it. I have a feeling that until I come up with a solution to my Takeru problem I won't be verbalizing much.

_Welcome to the fallout_

_Welcome to resistance_

_The tension is here_

_The tension is here_

_Between who you are and who you could be_

_Between how it is and how it should be_

Crap, crap, crap, schools out for the day which means that my second group of well wishers will be here shortly. I really don't mind seeing Tai or Izzy, but the rest of them are going to be difficult being around. I have almost worried myself into a state of panic over seeing TK again. Shit, wait I know, I'll try one of those meditation thingies Iori tried to teach me a few months ago. Now let me see, I need to sit down on my bed in a relaxed position, check. First deep breath in, hold it for a five count, now I release it slowly. Breath in, hold it, breath out…… What they're here already here, wait you mean I've actually been meditating for twenty minutes already, wow, now that I think about it I do feel calmer.

Okay, pay attention now, Tai's saying something about being worried about me. Well I hope so, good, I get a hug from Tai, Izzy, and Sora, and even Kari gives me a short hesitant one, but Yamato and Takeru simply nod at me. That hurts and I try to suppress it quickly but I think Tai might have caught a glimpse of it. Sora tells me how sad she is that I can't talk and Tai and Izzy tell me to have someone call either of them if I need anything. Takeru, Hikari, and Yamato are withdrawn and silent throughout most of their visit which causes the hurt to continue to build. After about thirty minutes the three of them make some lame excuse about having to leave. I have withdrawn from the conversation a lot myself. Sora gives me a sympathetically worried look before turning an angry look at her boyfriend and his little brother. The four of them quickly leave and I believe that someone is going to rip into two very insensitive guys on the way home. That leaves me alone with the only other two gays in our little group; maybe, just maybe I can talk to the two of them.

_I dare you to move _

_I dare you to move _

_I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor_

_I dare you to move _

_I dare you to move _

_Like today never happened _

_Today never happened_

I watch the empty doorway for a few minutes while I try to get a grip on my conflicted emotions. I think that Tai has figured out a small bit of what my problem is, though I doubt he knows who exactly I'm anguishing over. Izzy probably has to, simple because he is the most observant one out of all of us except maybe Iori. Kami, why does it have to hurt so bad when Takeru snubs me? I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, shit I don't want anyone else to see me crying. I collapse back onto my bed and turn away from the two of them so they can't see my face. After a few seconds I feel the bed shift as one or both of them climb up to check on me. Damn, damn, damn, leave me alone, let me suffer in peace. I am shocked though when they do not say a word and instead I feel Tai's solid form lay down in front of me as he pulls me up against his chest, letting me continue crying my heart out over my lost love. Izzy meanwhile cradles my back against his own chest, surrounding me with the warmth and security I need right now as my heart finally begins to accept once and for all that Takeru will never be mine.

For the first time in a long time I feel at peace; safe in the arms of two of the few people who truly care about me. I take a deep shuddering breath as I feel my tears slowing, even as my eyes grow heavy with sleep. I want to ask them to please stay with me tonight but still my voice refuses to cooperate. With a slight feeling of regret I fall asleep knowing that I will once again wake up alone tomorrow.

_Maybe redemption has stories to tell_

_Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell_

_Where can you run to escape from yourself?_

_Where you gonna go?_

_Where you gonna go?_

_Salvation is here_

**TBC…**

A/N: An entire chapter without a single quotation mark. I figured that since Dai-chan can't talk nobody else should either.

Cool quote: 1 "God save me from my friends. I can protect myself from my enemies" –Marshal de Villars (1653-1734)

2 "Silence is the unbearable repartee" –G. K. Chesterton / _Dickens_

3 "Sympathy is a virtue much cultivated by those who are morally uplifted by the sufferings and misfortunes of others" –Oscar Hammling


	6. When The Heartache Ends

**Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love With A Straight Boi**

**By: Daisuke Motomiya**

Author: cjtokage

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon period. All poetry belongs to authors; names given below.

Warnings: Yaoi, song-fic, one-sided Daikeru (sorry), Taishiro (yeah), Takari (gag), Yamora (double gag),

_Artist: Rob Thomas; Album: Something to be; Song title: When the Heartache Ends _

Single 'quotes' indicates thoughts

Italics indicates song lyrics

Bold Italics indicates poem verses

**Chapter Six: When the Heartache Ends**

_**Today**_

_**I decided to come out today**_

_**Yes, I told the whole world I was gay.**_

_**This was not as bad as I thought it would be.**_

_**No one threw rocks or bullets at me.**_

_**But it wasn't peaches and cream either, you see.**_

_**I got the expected laughs and scorns. **_

_**(I said "I can't help it. That's how I was born.")**_

_**When I tell my parents, their hearts will be torn.**_

"_**A Fag! A Fag? I didn't raise no queer!"**_

_**This I know is what I will hear,**_

_**But don't worry. I have nothing to fear.**_

_**If they still love me, well then that's great.**_

_**And if not, well, I'll have to deal with their hate.**_

_**There's nothing I can do. This is my fate.**_

_**I decided to come out today.**_

_**You know, it was pretty easy to say.¹**_

_**By: Daisuke Motomiya**_

It has been exactly six months to the day since I was brought home from my idiotic attempt to run away. A lot has changed in my life and I owe most of the credit to Miyako, Ken, Iori, Tai, and Izzy. Sora and Kari have been a big help too considering that it was the two of them who stood up to their homophobic boyfriends and forced them to start accepting people like me, Tai, and Izzy. Heck, Kari even broke up with Takeru for a week because he hit me when I confessed my feelings of attraction for the blonde to the two of them. I wrote a letter letting them know about my orientation and that I had formerly had a crush on the younger blonde boy. Yes I have almost, finally, gotten over my infatuation with TK. It took a while after he apologized for giving me a black eye but we eventually returned to something similar to our former camaraderie. Actually we now have some thing better, because I no longer have my attraction shading my responses to his words or actions, and he and Yamato have overcome the fear of homosexuals that their parents tried to instill in them.

_It's never easy and you never know_

_What leaves you crying, _

_And what makes you whole_

_There ain't no way that I can hold it down_

_Falling to pieces _

_Forever in doubt_

Even though it has been six months I still can't talk. I have become used to communicating with pen and paper and have actually become quite good at writing. My language teacher says that I have a lot of potential in the written language field if I continue to put forth the same effort I am currently. Over all my grades have improved now that I am no longer dealing with depression and guilt over liking TK, plus it doesn't hurt that Izzy is tutoring me two afternoons a week at his apartment. He and Tai have become my mentors when it comes to being gay. Without them I would be in much worse shape than I am. They were with me when I told my parents about my orientation. They were there to back me up with facts and explanations about what it means to be gay and why it is not something that I can control or permanently change without doing even worse trauma to my psyche then has already been done. Basically they acted as my voice of reason, and just my voice period.

_But it's alright_

_Why don't you tell me again_

_How you'll still be there _

_When the heartache ends_

_Well it's alright_

_Why don't you tell me my friend_

_How you'll still be there _

_When the heartache ends_

On Monday and Thursday afternoons I go to see a psychiatrist. Yes, my parents insisted and I have to admit she has helped me become more comfortable with my situation as a whole, though we have both stopped expecting my voice to simply pop back into existence. It may come back, it may not, and while I have come to accept this condition I still hold out hope of finding that special something that will bring my ability to speak back.

_**There is an in-between time**_

_**When nothing sticks to me**_

_**There is no pain or pleasure then**_

_**There's just anxiety**_

_**And in this in-between time **_

_**I start to think of death**_

_**It isn't life I want to lose**_

_**It's the tightness in my chest²**_

_**By: Daisuke Motomiya**_

I still have bad days occasionally but then so does everybody sometimes. Nowadays when I'm feeling down; instead of bundling it up tightly inside; I tell my friends about it and let them help me work my way through it. Takeru is especially good at this being the Hopeful guy that he is, and Ken in his Kindness also helps hold me up. I am really glad that they no longer expect me to play the clown. My life is so much easier not having to maintain that mask. Now when I'm happy people know it; the same for when I'm sad, mad depressed, etc.

_There ain't nobody who can show you how_

_To find the surface when you're underground_

_There ain't no blanket that can hide this cold_

_There ain't no memory_

_That ever gets old_

"Hey Dai-kun quit fiddling with the stereo and get over here and blow out these candles!" Kari calls out.

Today though, today is not a bad day. In fact it couldn't be farther from it, after all today is my sixteenth birthday and all my friends are here at my apartment to help me celebrate. I leave the stereo on a song I like and race over to the dining room table where the cake and ice cream are laid out. I take my place in front of the cake and wait for everyone to sing that corny birthday song with a huge grin on my face. After they finish I pause for a moment and then I blow out the candles while keeping my wish in mind. We then all dig in and try to get as hyped up on sugar as we possibly can, even my image conscious sister has a small slice.

What, you want to know what I wished for; no way I can't tell you that cause then it won't come true, heh, heh.

_**When I owned a younger soul**_

_**I loved one person at a time-**_

_**I had no room for more than one,**_

_**And then the next in line**_

_**Older now, and far more torn,**_

_**I may have grown too much**_

_**Now I love the world at once**_

_**And none of it enough²**_

_**By: Daisuke Motomiya**_

I envy Tai and Izzy; they are so perfect for one another; why can't I find someone to love me like that. I have started to spend a lot of time with the two of them lately and I think that now I'm starting to develop a crush on both of them. 'Kami, why can't my love life be normal?' I mouth to my self as I watch the two of them interact. Currently we're in the park tossing a Frisbee around, Tai, Izzy, me and Iori. Since its summer and we're out of school Tai decided that he and I needed to drag Izzy outside so he won't spend his entire summer break inside attached to his computer, and because Iori was over helping him out with a project we brought him along. It's so hot outside that we quickly lose our shirts and soak in the sun, after first applying sunscreen of course. Tai has been doing a good job of keeping Izzy out of the house this year and it shows in his evenly tanned lightly muscled physique, yum. Iori's no bad looker either, and you would think being around three gay dudes he would be a little hesitant about baring flesh but the boy yanked his shirt off right along with the rest of us, hmmm.

The other three guys yell out encouragement and insults as the situation warrants while I grin and smile a lot. You know, I no longer really mind not being able to speak. I've learned to listen better since I'm not running my mouth constantly and as a result have overheard some interesting things that I wouldn't have been able to learn otherwise. It's amazing how fast people forget you're around when you're not able to contribute verbally to a conversation. A few months ago I heard Kari telling TK that they could go to her apartment after school for a 'quickie' since Taichi had soccer practice and her parents would be working late. We were at school, in a crowded hallway, going to our last class when I overheard them conspiring about that tryst. Hey, don't look at me like that; I was walking right beside them, plain as day. It's not my fault they forgot I was there. Other interesting news I've overheard; Tai and Izzy are taking yoga classes together and have purchased a copy of the gay Kama Sutra, yeah I laughed too; Mimi is over in America dating some millionaire's son, lucky gal; and finally I think Ken and Miyako are eyeing each other (A/N: triple gag).

_But it's alright_

_Why don't you tell me again_

_How you'll still be there_

_When the heartache ends_

_Oh it's alright_

_Why don't you tell me my friend_

_How you'll still be there _

_When the heartache ends_

"Hey do you guys want to get a pizza and come over to my apartment, kick back, and watch some movies" Tai ask me and Iori.

"Can't, I promised my mom I would help her in the yard some time this afternoon. If I don't want to break that promise I had better leave now. See you later, Dai, Izzy, and Tai" Iori told us as he was pulling on his shirt.

I gave Taichi a thumbs up to let him know I'm all for his plan. I then let him know through hand signals that it would be up to him to call my mom and let her know where I was. As we're walking in the direction of Tai and Izzy's apartment the two of them banter and flirt back and forth sometimes asking me yes or no questions or things that I can answer back simply with a few improvised hand signals. We stop at a cool little family owned pizza pallor located two blocks away from the, afore mentioned, apartment building. The two of them are going to be freshmen at the local university in the fall and since they both have full scholarships they decided to go together and rent a small two room one bath apartment before the rush of new students snapped up all the nice ones. This is cool with us younger D.D's because we now had a place to hang out away from the prying eyes of our parents.

We order a ham and pineapple pizza and a plain cheese pizza then sit outside watching the bustling crowd while waiting for our order to come up. Tai and Izzy have been acting weird around me out lately, I sometimes catch one of them watching me out of the corner of my eye but when I turn they are no longer looking at me, and some times it seems that they are almost flirting with me. I was a little bit pleased with the attention but I'm also scared because I did not want to be the cause of a break up between two of my friends. This places me in an awkward position so for now I have toned down my own flirting and I've also begun watching how the two of them interact more closely. So far I can see no signs of stress on their relationship so maybe I'm reading too much into the situation. Kami I hope so.

_And I move all directions_

_To the corners and the outskirts_

_While the lovers and the lonely_

_Start to whisper all about me_

"Hey Dai," I refocus my attention outward and realize that Izzy is waving a hand in my face. "You back with us? The pizzas are ready so come on."

'Oh' I shake my head a little to clear it of my previous thoughts then I give the two of them a cheeky grin. Izzy's carrying the pizza boxes the rest of the short trip to their apartment because as he stated "the two of you could eat a whole pie in the time it took me to turn around once." He is probably more accurate in his exaggeration than he realizes, heh, heh.

Even after Tai opens the door Izzy continues to guard the pizzas while giving out orders. "Tai leave" slaps eager hands away "the pizzas alone" gentle push to the chest "for a few minutes" a completely unapologetic kiss to the cheek "and go call Dai-kun's parents then put on a 'good movie'. Dai-chan can you grab us some sodas out of the fridge and then get some chips and such out of the cabinets to your left because I know that even two pizzas will not be enough for you two."

I give Izzy a curious look at the attaching of the chan suffix to my name but he just gives me his own version of a cheeky grin then moves himself and the pizza boxes over to the loveseat that Tai's parents donated to the apartment. After setting the pizza boxes on the 'coffee table' (if you ever saw this thing you would understand) that the two of them found behind the building shortly after moving in (they did clean it up but then went and painted it orange, bright orange, yeah its as bad you I'm sure your picturing it to be) Izzy made himself comfortable on one side of the couch with a pizza slice in each hand. By the time I'd gotten the drinks and other snacks Tai had placed himself on the other side of the couch leaving the middle to me. Before you go thinking that this is weird let me explain, you see it goes back to when I had first started hanging out with the two of them after my runaway attempt. I was still depressed and angsty and prone to burst into tears of frustration or sadness at the slightest things so after the second time of them pulling me over Izzy to comfort me this became the standard seating arrangement. It makes me feel appreciated when they do this because they are giving up cuddling time together in an effort to take care of me.

I'm once again pulled out of my thoughts as Izzy burst out "Tai not this brainless tripe again, how can you stand to watch this mess."

"Oh come on this is a work of great American cinematography. It is on its way to becoming a classic production in the art of comedy" Tai attempted to counter.

"Koi its Happy Gilmore, aka something done by Adam Sandler; therefore it has utterly no intellectual content what so ever."

"I know ain't it great" Tai finished smugly as he reached for an open bag of chips.

I just roll my eyes at their antics and make a grab for my fourth slice of ham and pineapple. This is the way it goes every time they watch a movie at home. Izzy wants stuff with at least some intellectual content, classics and dramas mostly, though he does get into all the explosions and chase scenes in action movies too. Tai loves horror movies and comedies the more pathetic the better. They usually swap turns so this must be Tai's night to pick. I seriously doubt that they actually watch much of any movie that is on when their alone though. Wow bad thought to have sitting right here between them though. That's happened a couple of times and I've had to spend the whole length of a movie with a bowl of popcorn over my lap praying that I wouldn't have to get up for any reason.

_And if I stand here silent_

_I almost start to feel you fading in_

_Telling me 'hold on'_

'_Cuz it's gonna be alright'_

About a third of the way through Tai drapes his arm over the back of the couch and begins to gently massage Izzy's neck. I pay this no mind since its only mild flirting plus it happens every time I'm over. But you know how you can tell when people are communicating silently behind your back even though no words are being spoken; well that is what the two of them are doing back and forth over my head. I try to ignore it but after a few minutes I can't take it anymore and glance quickly at Tai catching him nodding his head then I turn my head back towards Izzy and catch him shaking his head no. I begin to panic a little bit because I have been on the receiving end of more than one of Tai's pranks and I automatically assume that's what they're arguing about. I try to stand up only to be brought back down by Tai's firm grip on my wrist.

"Dai-chan stop, whatever you're thinking it's probably wrong now sit down, please" Tai tells me a bit forcefully.

"Dai would we ever truly hurt you, no, so please sit down and let us explain… please!" Izzy adds in a gentler tone.

I reluctantly sit back down and wait for them to tell me what's going on. Tai begins slowly "Izzy and I have been…discussing something for the past few weeks and have recently come to an agreement. But since it includes you we began talking about ways to approach you about it. That's what we were arguing about just now, whether to talk to you about it now and also how to approach the subject."

I have to turn and face Izzy as he picks up the thread of conversation. "You see Dai-chan, Tai and I both feel a growing attraction for you but we weren't sure what to do about it until we noticed you checking us out quite frequently. Since we both made a commitment to be completely honest with each other we confessed to each other only to find out that we both felt the same way. After talking about it for awhile we decided that our love for each other was strong enough to risk inviting you into our relationship. So…" Izzy trailed off.

"What we mean is…" Tai tried to pick up where Izzy left off.

Izzy found the words that he was looking for "We love you Daisuke Motomiya and would like to keep you near us in whatever way you're most comfortable with. Whether as a friend, a sometimes lover, or as a complete and united part of this bizarre little love triangle; we want you to be happy and loved. We think that we can give you that" Izzy concluded as the two of them wrapped me up in a hug.

_Why don't you tell me again_

_How you'll still be there _

_When the heartache ends_

_Well it's alright _

_Why don't you tell me my friend_

_How you'll still be there_

_When the heartache ends_

I sit there wrapped up between the two of them and think about it hard. I do feel attracted to them, I am completely comfortable around them, and they make me feel whole, like a part of me that I didn't even realize had been missing had suddenly come back. I sit up and with tears of joy streaming down my face I nod my head affirmatively. I suddenly have an ecstatic Tai pressing his lips to mine in a simple but thoroughly passionate kiss which is soon repeated with Izzy. In this moment I am happy; I never would have known a year ago that it would take not one but two people to fill the emptiness in my heart. I sit there happily pressed even tighter between the two of them. I may not be able to say it out loud now but some day I will be able to say those three simple words that are like no others 'I love you'.

_Say you'll be with me_

_When the heartache ends_

**FIN…**

Original authors 1) Darren Wegkemp/ from _XY Magazine #38_

2) Bart Yates/ _Leave Myself Behind_

A/N: So end my little fic about heartbreak, loving someone you cannot have, and then finally, after seemingly endless pain, being able to move on with your life.

As Dark says to Daisuke Niwa in DNAngel "Your first love doesn't have to be your only love."

Cool quotes: 1 "Loving all of it even when he had to hate some of it because he knows that you don't love because, you love despite, not for virtues but despite

faults" –William Faulkner

2 "Maintain a bit of summer even in the midst of winter" –Henry David Thoreau


End file.
